Queen's Park Briefing's 2022 holiday card rankings

Back by popular demand, we’re proud to present to you the 2022 Queen’s Park Briefing holiday card rankings. Thought of in the halls of the Pink Palace as the definitive rankings of holiday well-wishes from MPPs and others, this year’s iteration had it all.

Family. Diversity. Pets. Each is a staple of cards gifted at Queen’s Park, and each was on display this year — as well as much, much more.

In all its glory and holiday joy, here are this year’s rankings.

• READ MORE (2021): Holiday drear: Not really a ranking of Queen’s Park Christmas cards
• READ MORE (2019): The top 10 Queen’s Park Christmas cards of 2019
• READ MORE (2017): We graded the holiday cards of Queen’s Park
• READ MORE (2016): MPPs deliver holiday cheer with Christmas cards

Tier 3: The step-it-up-next-years

Putting a photo of Queen's Park on your MPP Christmas card is like naming your dog "Dog." Step it up.

20. Tim Hudak, CEO, Ontario Real Estate Association

He didn’t have to send us anything, so we feel a bit bad ranking Tim’s bland card dead last. But it’s boring and it opens in a non-standard way, which fills us with irrational fury. At least the ornament is a house.

19. Neil Lumsden, tourism, culture and sport minister

Neil Lumsden is a low-key climate warrior. His Christmas card had tips on how to reduce your carbon footprint during the holiday season. Use LED lights, shop local, buy a real tree, and use recycled wrapping paper. It’s also the only one with ministerial branding. Use the perks of the office while you got 'em.

18. Ted Arnott, Speaker

The front is a picture of Queen’s Park, fitting for a man who’s also an institution. Negative points for using the same pic of his family as his 2021 Christmas card, but bonus points for taking the pics on the back himself. Also, a shout out Phil Arnott, the Speaker's son, Aidan's friend from university and rock-solid defenceman.

17. Peter Tabuns, interim NDP leader

Boring card, but at least it’s winter-themed. Tabuns get ratings for the personal messages scribed in pen and smudged, speaking to their authenticity. He also spelled our names right. Ratings.

Tier 2: The respectfully wholesomes

There's nothing not to like about these cards. They're sweet. They're familial. Some of them are wearing silly hats. They're the kind of cards you'd open, smile, and say, "That's nice," before throwing them in the garbage.

16. Caroline Mulroney, francophone affairs and transportation minister

Props for getting everyone in exactly the same pose as last year. But also, everyone is in exactly the same pose as last year. Cute dog.

15. Jill Andrew, NDP MPP

It’s annoyingly large and doesn’t fold, so we're not sure how to display it. Great smiles, though. And the looming shadow horses were a nice touch.

13-14. (Tie) Monte McNaughton, labour minister / Sam Oosterhoff, PC MPP

11-12. (Tie) Marit Stiles, incoming NDP leader / Mike Schreiner, Green leader

A true clash of leaders — that who's taking over the NDP and who is present for the Greens (and supposedly maybe in the future for the Ontario Liberals, at least according to TVO's Steve Paikin). Marit’s and Mike’s cards' symmetry is suspicious, down to the animal allusions: dogs vs. reindeer. Points granted to Marit for her daughter’s brand-appropriate auburn hair.

10. Yasir Naqvi, Liberal MP

A blast from Queen’s Park Christmas Past, you might think. Or maybe its future, as Yasir made evident during a December trip to his old stomping grounds. (Shaking yet, Schreiner? Thanks again, Paikin.) Quality winter glow — a surprisingly rare feat in this year’s crop — on Yasir’s cover, complemented by more dadding-it-up pics, like it’s no one’s business.

9. Sylvia Jones, health minister

The cable knit donned by Ontario’s deputy premier and minister of health is fire. No ifs, ands or buts about it. Here’s to applying that veteran decision-making to the health file in 2023.

8. Steve Clark, municipal affairs and housing minister

Respect given for calling in all of the cavalry, Clark. But how did Premier Doug Ford’s new press secretary sneak in there? Strong #FamilyEnergy by Ontario’s housing minister, who suffers in standing for rocking a tan belt and not a green one.

Tier 1: The joy-bringers

Vicious mockery, family drama and hand-drawn animation are to be found in this final category, the realm of Gods. Welcome to Thunderdome.

7. Kristyn Wong-Tam, NDP MPP

A wonderfully illustrated card by local artist Jake Tobin featuring one of Toronto Centre’s best landmarks, Allan Gardens. It’s rather close to one of the city’s worst hockey rinks, Moss Park. Negative points for the standard greeting.

6. Stephen Lecce, education minister

We can see why he chose this pic. For a guy with a slim silhouette, Lecce's looking pretty yoked. Would’ve been better served by a Club Monaco button-down. Buon Natale is prominently featured, a fitting ode to his heritage. Runs back the “really happy kids” theme from his 2021 card. Dinged for the font weirdly changing halfway through his greeting and only signing his first name.

5. Doug Ford, premier

Big ups to the Big Man for ballin’ in black, even while waterfront. A daughter’s absence is noticeable, but we’re not faulting Ford for that in these rankings. Doug’s card is classy, calm and cautious — dare I (Charlie) say a portrait of his preferred portrayal.

4. Elizabeth Dowdeswell, lieutenant-governor

Classy. Elegant. Such a flex to just put a coat of arms on the front. The three paragraphs she wrote inside would be annoying if it were anyone else, but it’s cool when it’s Lizzie.

3. Bobbi Ann Brady, independent MPP

Bobbi Ann, Queen’s Park’s lone independent member, and one of its most fun, stands alone in her card. Well, she’s sitting. But she’s doing it really well — in a perfectly frilly Christmas skirt and some killer low-top cowgirl boots. Yee-haw.

2. Peter Weltman, financial accountability officer

Effort. Creativity. Mise en scène. Bilingualism. His dog. Peter had it all (except a physical card). It’s just not his year. Kings don’t beg, they decree.

1. Upstream Strategy Group

This is so fantastically mean-spirited it has to take the top spot. The caricatures are spot-on. The visual gags are actually kind of funny. And the image of Doug Ford bursting with joy while Steven Del Duca and Andrea Horwath hold their consolation prizes is nothing short of remarkable. Upstream has proven once and for all that the true spirit of the holidays lies in the vicious ridicule of your political enemies.