The top 10 Queen's Park Christmas cards of 2019

Every year, many MPPs and Queen's Park officials send out holiday cards to other journalists, politicians and staffers who work in the legislature. Many of them are sweet, but bland and uninteresting. Some are charming, but forgettable. A rare few excel in the true holiday card spirit of absurdity and quaintness.

In the interest of cold-hearted journalistic scrutiny, we have ranked the top 10 cards in five categories:

• Awkwardness
• Creativity
• Earnestness
• Personalization
• Presence of animals (bonus points, obviously, for animals in costumes)

Let's get to it.

10. Doug Ford — PC, Etobicoke North

This is a pretty normal card — a nice photo of the family, taken indoors, with Premier Ford letting his hair down a bit with some jeans and an unbuttoned shirt. What elevates it to top-10 level is the premier's son-in-law, Dave Haynes, posing on the edge of the photo in full police regalia while everyone else wears normal outfits.

9. Bill Walker — PC, Bruce-Grey-Owen-Sound

"Alright, here's the waterfall. Pop a squat, everyone."

Big, big marks for awkwardness here. This family didn't have to squat for us, but they did. And I'm thankful for that.

Animal points, too, for Poppi, the alarmed-looking pug(?) trying to blend in with the rocks in the foreground.

Earnestness points were also added for the mini book report on the waterfall they're posing in front of, on the back of the card. "In conclusion, Hogg's Falls is a land of contrasts."

8. Elizabeth Dowedswell — Lieutenant Governor

My first thought upon opening this card was, "Am I in trouble?"

The front is nothing but the LG's official seal on a plain white background, which feels sort of like an invitation to a secret society, or a letter from a fortune teller letting me know how I will die.

The inside features a hilariously government-y message which begins with, "Democracy is fundamentally about how we choose to live with each other." There is no attempt at personalization, which honestly makes the whole thing even better.

7. Mitzie Hunter — Liberal, Scarborough—Guildwood

This is a nice photo of Hunter, but the way she's cut-and-pasted in front of a stock photo of the legislature conjures the word "looming." It's slightly unnerving — almost in an Uncanny Valley-type area. I love it.

Plus, there's a photo of her at the Raptors celebration parade on the back, which has nothing to do with Christmas, and therefore I wholeheartedly salute its inclusion.

6. Goldie Ghamari — PC, Carleton

This photo is great, but the edits make it way better. Ghamari appears to be marching with the troops in her PC-blue Santa hat — which is solid enough — but this card appears very anxious to let you know who Goldie Ghamari is, which comes off quite awkward. From her bold, all-caps name, which is the largest part of the inside of the card, to the sentence "Goldie Ghamari is the Member of Provincial Parliament for the riding of Carleton" on the back, to the weird PhotoShop job that clearly marks out that this is Goldie Ghamari and her dog, this card easily takes the number 5 spot.

Also, the golden retriever has a very festive collar/bandana. Great stuff.

5. Todd Smith — PC, Bay of Quinte

Now this is what I'm talking about. Awkward separate photos? Check. Santa hats for everyone, including pets? Check. Everything jumbled together in a weird PhotoShop job? Check.

And it's the only one to include a fully hand-written note on the inside! No fake cursive type here.

Also, it's the only postcard. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but I admire the individuality.

4. Jane McKenna —PC, Burlington

Many awkward points were awarded here for the awkward photo of McKenna's family in matching jim-jams, but the main reason this card is ranked so high is that it came with freebies. It's well-known that journalists love freebies, even if they're just a pen and a coaster, as they were in this case.

And she included some tips on the inside for a green Christmas, which is a nice touch. Speaking of green...

3. Mike Schreiner — Green, Guelph

This is a really nice picture of the Schreiner family (even if his wife was the only one who got the memo to wear green). Though it was clearly taken in fall, it's still a great shot. Points for earnestness for that and for the quaint bilingual message on the inside — a nice touch, even if Schreiner's French is known to be a little rusty. Also, bonus points for giving credit to the local photographer, Angus Chan.

But this card mostly takes the number 4 spot because it was the only one to come with a candy cane.

A respectable position for the only Green MPP in the House. No shame in bribing your way to the top three.

2. Laurie Scott — PC, Haliburton-Kawartha Lakes-Brock

This is a simply incredible card. All the best aspects of "Boomer humour" are on display here — awkward PhotoShop, a joke that isn't really a joke, and a talking dog who delivers the punchline.

It also has a nice handwritten note on the inside and a close-up portrait of Phineas, the dog, on the back. I love everything about this card deeply, and will likely hang it on my refrigerator where it belongs.

1. Marit Stiles — NDP, Davenport

I mean, how cute is this?

The front is a custom illustration of her family done by Joanna Sevilla, a local Toronto illustrator who also worked on Paul Taylor's campaign.

On the inside is a nice little portrait that, while it wasn't taken in winter, is clearly a family favourite. Stiles is patting both of her dogs at once, which is, how the kids say, a "big mood." And she took the time to personally write a little note and my name. She also included the French, Spanish and Portuguese translations of "happy holidays," which is a nice touch for a riding in which about a third of residents speak Romance languages other than French.

Overall, high marks in earnestness, personalization, creativity and animals make this card our winner.